Resolving Conflict with Love
In a recent Agent Evolution Facebook video, Justin Thorstad and his AE partner discussed several topics, including the value of community, how to step out of one’s own environment, and how to resolve conflict with love. Here some of the key takeaways of that session are broken down into bite sized pieces of advice.
On the topic of community, the two discussed how some of the world’s systems that have not evolved in years and years may not serve society today as it should. For individuals that are looking to make a change or experience a different system, but wonder how, Justin suggests starting within, and in one’s own community. He says it’s a misconception that individuals can affect change. Giving the example of products to purchase in a grocery store — the items on the shelf are dictated by the consumers. They drive demand. So if a person doesn’t want a certain item — or beyond that, doesn’t want to support a certain movement or behavior, they don’t have to. That one action to go a different direction starts the wave of change. And others tend to notice that difference. With small individual changes like that, every individual within a community can begin to make positive impacts within their own mini “systems.”
If asking one’s self “What difference can I make?” Justin advices people to remember that “everything begins with I.” The experience of being human itself starts within and everyone has the opportunity to make the choice to be different or to act different in an effort to make positive change within themselves and for their communities… and the world at large.
Another example they give is how one might react to a problem or negative situation. Sometimes people get angry or triggered when something doesn’t go quite right. But meeting a problem, and working towards a solution, with love can make all the difference… and can start a ripple effect.
When a problem arises, instead of getting angry, they encourage people to resolve the issue with love… beginning with self-love. “You need self-love to give love and resolve problems compassionately,” Justin says. When faced with challenge or problem, looking at it through compassionate and understanding eyes can help everyone involved create a solution and move forward in a positive manner. “People that receive love and compassion feel compelled to give love and compassion.”
There are always going to be challenges or problems in life, but people are not victims of their environment. Everyone has the ability to create their own, and they if unhappy or needing to resolve a conflict, self-evaluation can be a game-changer when it comes to how those issues area dealt with and resolved.
A small experience can create a shift of behavior, even in the case of little everyday irritants (a slow driver on the road, getting cut off on the freeway, etc.). Instead of becoming triggered, it’s important not to take someone else’s actions personally — those actions have nothing to do with anyone else but themselves. Instead of getting angry, Justin advises using the situation as an opportunity to slow down, take a deep breath and relax because some of those instances are life’s way of literally “slowing you down.” Take the opportunity to be thankful for the lessons that life is giving and to learn from them. Remember, Justin says, “Life is happening for me, not to me.”